Friday, August 28, 2009

cue mommy guilt

It's that time of year again. Kids are going back to school, and so am I. After a most wonderful, fulfilling, and very productive 7 months, I get to go back to work. I wish I could tell you that it's bitter sweet, but it's not.

I will always remember these months as a very special time with Lucas, when I could experience all of his awesome hearing and language firsts and during which we did many activities that otherwise wouldn't have been possible had I been working. He went from no hearing, to hearing beeps and buzzes, to us having to spell words in his presence. It has been SIMPLY AMAZING! It was the greatest decision and sacrifice we could have made. I would not trade in the extra time with him for anything in the world!

Now what am I going to do? I'll be honest and say that I'm NOT okay with it. It's extremely daunting to think about doing what I'm doing now with so much less time. It kind of makes me sick.

But, I still have a lot to be thankful for, so here goes.

* I'm thankful to my school district for granting me this much needed leave.
* I'm thankful for a wonderful, secure job, where I get to teach German and Spanish all day!
* I'm thankful that Lucas will be watched by both of his grandmothers while I'm at school.
* I'm thankful that Lucas can still be in his own home 3 of those days.
* I'm thankful that I only work 6 blocks from where we live.
* I'm thankful that we work with 2 flexible therapists who are willing and able to come after 3:00 to work with me.
* I'm thankful that I'm done with school mid-afternoon and have the rest of the afternoon and evening to spend with him.
* I'm thankful for the school year calendar that provides for some much needed breaks and extra time with Lucas.

Please keep our family in your thoughts and prayers as we make a lot of adjustments over the next few weeks - that Lucas would continue to thrive and adjust well to not having me around all the time, and that there would not be any backlashes to his change in schedule and surroundings. He thrives on routine, and his world is about to be inconsistent.

Life is going to be tough for awhile.


Lily's Mom said...

I'll definitely be thinking of you and sending up some prayers for your family. I just went back to school this week and it was horrible. I miss being home with my baby! :) Have a great school year!

Kel said...

Good luck, hon!! I wish I could say working was all sunshine and no guilt, but I know better and I know you better from on here. What I can say is that I also know that Lucas is going to just thrive and continue to be awesome! The transition will be tough, but I know he's going to keep up his amazing progress. Lots of thoughts your way!

leah said...

I'll send up a few prayers that things go as smoothly as possible. I went back to work when Matt was 12 weeks old and it was hard. But it did get easier and he did thrive in his baby room (we have no family, so he went to a daycare center). We did have a notebook that we kept so Miss Maria could write down anything important (especially when he got older and we realized he was speech delayed)- she could write down, "Matt tried to say Uh Oh today," etc. That was nice because then I could focus on that when I got home from work.

Lone Star Couple said...

I feel your pain, I will be heading back to work next week UGH! Best of luck!

Melanie said...

I feel for you. Good thing you don't have a long commute to add to your stress. You are a great Mom and a wonderful advocate for Lucas. He is going to do amazing. Te deseo mucha suerte este ano escolar!

tammy said...

Oh Jen! I am SO glad you have had the past seven months with Lucas and will pray that the transition is smooth. Lucas is so lucky to have you for his mommy and thrives because of it! Here's to a great school year for you! Your students are just as lucky as Lucas to have you!

Julia said...

I know what you're going through. My husband and I are both in academia, too, and it is sooooo helpful to have the flexibility and the academic schedule. But even with that, it's tough to fit it all in. Try to make some time for yourself, too.