Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Dear Lucas

Dear Lucas,

You've been a big brother for almost 7 weeks now. What an awesome time it has been (especially when Daddy was home). We've tried really hard to make you feel special, and so have all of our family and friends with their little presents to you.

You were so lucky to have met Nora just a few minutes after she was born. What a special moment for mommy! You are so gentle when you hold her, and you love to give her hugs and kisses (even if you do smother her once in a while).

You are Mommy's little helper! You get me supplies when I'm tied up, and it's even good practice for you with following multi-step directions. "Please get me her blanket and the pink burp cloth in the basket." Once a therapy mommy, always a therapy mommy.

Nora is a more challenging baby than you were in some ways. She's not as content as you were, but my days with her are much more carefree than my early days with you were. My biggest concern with her is when she's going to want to eat next or whether she's going to keep me up all night, as opposed to whether you could hear or would need open heart surgery. As a result, I'm more willing to share her with others this time around. With you... not so much.

On the day she was born, she had her hearing tested... right in the room with Mommy. It was extremely emotional, and I cried the whole time. The nurses in the hospital still need some sensitivity training and education. Even with knowledge of your history, they still told me not to worry about it, and if she didn't pass, it was probably just fluid in her ears. We're the wrong family to tell that to! Here is the screen that we saw:

She passed her hearing screening in both ears. She can hear. The results really evoked mixed emotions for me. Although we are elated that Nora will not have to endure what you did (the tests, surgeries, therapies, etc) or go through the life long struggles of living with a hearing loss, somehow rejoicing too much in the results was also the same as saying that you are not perfect just the way you are, and that we somehow love you less. Needless to say, we have not shouted her hearing results from the rooftops with joy, but rather whispered them with some sense of relief and ease. It's very personal. I think only some of my fellow hearing loss mommies might understand.

I worry about the day when you start to ask me why Nora doesn't have ears like you. For now, you don't seem to be particularly concerned about it. ever. We have yet to have any of those difficult conversations. Sometimes I try to initiate them, and you just move on. You know what your ears are called, and that you need them to hear, and that's about it. Although you ask "why" about 1,000 times a day, that has yet to be one of your questions. The word "deaf" has yet to come up either. Maybe I'm as bad as the audiologists we worked with in the very beginning, but I'm just so hesitant to teach you to label yourself already. You are still only 3. But not for long!

I'm enjoying my time at home with you and Nora IMMENSELY. You did ask me the other day if I was going to work so Oma could wake you up in the morning. Nope... not for 9 more months. Yippee!

I can't wait to watch you grow up with Nora. We can only hope and pray that she is as sweet, witty and feisty as you are. You will teach her much about the world around her. It's scary to think that by the time Nora is your current age, you'll be almost 8. I hope that day doesn't come too soon.

I love you with all of my heart,



Nora Susanna

born mid-October 2011
6 lb 10 oz
20 in

Lucas is absolutely smitten by her. I can't wait to watch them grow up together. She is one lucky girl.

We are so proud of how well he has adjusted. He is not at all jealous, and just has pure love for her. This is such an incredibly joyful time for us. There's nothing in the world like having BOTH babies want to cuddle all the time. Our family is complete.